I am about to lay on you, one of the yummiest, most wonderfully delicious, and easiest recipes for bread that you have ever had the pleasure of laying your taste buds on.  Now I know when you first read it, you will be thinking, "But Cassie, I don't like mayonnaise.  But Cassie, I'm not a green chili fan.  But Cassie, if I eat stuff like this all the time I am going to end up with long term insulin therapy for type 2 diabetes." (no?  that last one just me?)  Well I'm here to tell you to push past those thoughts and fears.  Look at mayo as your friend, embrace the green chili, and love yourself in your plus size jeans.  Because baby, this bread is worth it. 
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Mmmmm.......... Green Chili Cheese Bread
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When Aaron and I got married nearly ten years ago, I was fortunate in so many ways to gain such a lovely new family.  But there was one, major, big problem.  They can all cook.  I'm talking cut-up-and-fry-the-best-chicken-you-ever-put-in-your-mouth, homemade rolls, slap-your-mama-sweet-potato-casserole, cook.  I know that might not seem like a problem to you, but to me it was serious.  Because my new husband was used to that sort of thing.  To delicious, rich, southern meals on the table nearly every night that he didn't have to cook or hand money to a waitress for.  Well bless my sweet little twenty-one year-old, eager to impress, newlywed heart - I didn't know how to cook one single, solitary thing.  See, at the house where I grew up, my mother didn't home-cook much of anything.  She did everything else under the sun - cleaning like a beast, volunteering for every organization in the history of good deeds, farm bookkeeping, wagging four kids (one of which is severely disabled) to every activity ever invented from school time to bed time, all while living thirty minutes from the nearest Walmart.  And she did it all well.  But cooking.  Not so much her thing.  Oh she tried.  One time my parents threatened that we could eat our carrots or get a spanking.  I held my nose and woofed them down, but my brother took the spanking.  Just stood up and took a beating.  The carrots were that bad.  And the family joke was always that the food was done when the smoke alarm went off.  If it weren't for the frozen food section at Sam's and the Schwans man, we likely would have starved to death.  So while I learned lots of amazing things from my phenomenal-at-most-stuff mother, separating eggs was not one of them.  And the point of all this is to tell you that when we got married, everyone knew I couldn't cook.  So they gave me lots of cookbooks and hand written recipes.  (don't you just love a hand written recipe?  I have one from my grandmother that is just for some random dessert, but I cherish.  Because she wrote it just for me and it's a piece of  her that I still have.)  And when I was going through my recipe box the other day, I came across this gem from Aaron's great aunt that I apparently had forgotten I have, because I've never made it before.  And now that I've taken the eight minutes to cook it, it brings a tear to my eye to know that I've spent the last ten years without this creamy goodness and it's been under my nose the whole time.  Aunt Alta, I thank you.  My pants don't so much thank you, but my tongue and my belly - they most definitely thank you.  Big much.

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To get cookin', you will need 1 cup mayonnaise, 1 stick melted butter, 1 small can of green chilies (I don't know how many oz. because  I don't have a can here at the house to look at.  But you know what I'm talking about.  They come in two sizes - big can or little can.  Use a little one), and shredded cheese.  The recipe calls for 1/4 pound, but I always just pour however much cheese makes me feel good inside on that particular day.  Sometimes it's a skoash-a-bit more than the recipe calls for.  But just a skoash.  And the best kind to use is a Monterey Jack/Colby blend or a Fiesta blend.  But I'm sure whatever you have on hand will work if you forget cheese at the grocery store.
     And this recipe calls for 2 loaves of french bread.  I also like to use the italian loaf because it is yummy and carb-y and makes me feel fluffy, but it's up to you.  The best thing to do is to buy a loaf that is already sliced up.  But if your Walmart's bakery oven is out like mine is, and there are no more presliced loafs like at mine, and you have to go to the Piggly Wiggly to buy a loaf, then slice the loaf yourself.  Preferably with an electric carving knife.  If you don't have one of those then just hack at it with a serrated knife and make a huge mess, and vow to never again do this without presliced bread or an electric knife. Or however you want to do it.  Just have slices.

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Then mix up all the goo (I forgot to add the cheese before the picture because I'm a doofus but I'm sure you can wade through the tricky process that is "stirring in cheese" all by yourself.)  It will be a pretty runny mess that doesn't look entirely appealing, but proceed anyway.

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I use a small spoon to put the filling between each slice because it is quite runny.  And I'm generous with the goo.  There is quite a bit of it, and more goo makes it more better.  Then I put it in the oven at 350 until it is hot.  I usually check around 10 minutes.  Then I get it out and I secretly eat one whole loaf.  Then I tell my family when they compliment me on how delicious it is, "Why thank you.  I just wish that I had fixed more than one loaf tonight".  Then I burp.

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I hope you try this, and I hope you love this, and I hope that I find more deeelish, handed down, great aunt recipe cards in my box soon.  If I do I'll let you know.  In the meantime, good luck and happy cheese bread.
2 loaves of french or italian bread (sliced)
1 stick melted butter
1 cup mayonnaise
1 small can green chilies
1/4 pound shredded Monterey Jack/Colby blend cheese

Mix it, smear it, cook it, eat it.  Enjoy!
Cassie

Helen Evans
3/8/2012 03:40:35 am

Can't wait to try this recipe!!! I think I can handle it!
I remember Judd (when he was quite young) being at our house and eating a tuna sandwich with us. Your mom called a few days later and wanted to know how to make my tuna salad because Judd was asking for one just like I made. We both had a good laugh when I told her it was only tuna and mayonnaise! She thought she could handle that! I'm still waiting to hear that you've been discovered by a major publisher or Good Morning America!

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Sandy
3/8/2012 09:47:28 am

Going to try this soon!! Sounds wonderful

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Sandra
3/8/2012 11:23:39 am

Seriously, send this to a magazine. Lots of them take articles. I promise you could be famous. How did Erma Bombeck (sp) get started

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Heather
3/10/2012 06:17:57 am

Girl.. I can relate (except that I still can't cook). You-know-who's Momma and everybody else lays it out.. all homemade, from scratch, yada yada. My Momma just says.. "Homemade?? HomeBAKED is plenty good enough!"

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Nice post dude

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6/24/2012 07:47:47 am

Took the day off and was just reading up some blogs and thought I would post here

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9/19/2012 05:15:06 am

I'm just browsing around your site for the first time, interesting read

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