Dear Cassie, if you buy one more bag or box of Cadburry eggs, we're through.  I just wanted to warn you before I end it, so you can't say it was a surprise.
                                       Sincerely,
                                        your pants

I have a serious problem.  I have a deep love for two specific things - Cadburry eggs (both the large, delicious, cream-filled kind and the small, crispy-shelled kind) and buying things on sale.  Unfortunately for my pants, currently Cadburry eggs are on sale at Walmart for 75% off.  $.67  Every time I am there (which is pretty much every stinking day) I am unable to withstand some type of gravitational pull associated with the rotation of the moon around the earth which forces me to pick up at least one bag.  Currently my stash looks a little something like this. 

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What in the name of type II diabetes am I doing with all of these chocolate eggs?!

   Seriously, right now I have 11 large eggs and 8 bags of the small eggs, one of which is super-sized.  That my friend is a lot.of.chocolate.  I can't stop.  Help me.  

    Since I'm bearing my soul here about my egg problem, I'll go ahead and bear my soul about my pants issue too.  I am not skinny.  (This is not a plea for all of you to reassure me that I am not fat, etc. etc. etc.  I've been at peace with it for a log time now.)  This is just a fact.  God never intended for me to be thin.  If he did, he would have made my love for carrots stronger and chocolate eggs less passionate.  I've always been shaped like this, just at varying degrees of "thickness".  If you don't believe me just ask anyone in my third through sixth grade classes.  They will tell you that I had a big butt, ran weird, and was com.plete.ly awful at all those stupid Presidential Physical Fitness challenges.
    The rest of my family is, however, rail thin.  Especially my children.  Turnanator eats nothing but snacks and junk food and has 0% body fat.  And he is the world's most unknowing fat joke maker-upper ever.  He doesn't intend to say mean things, he just states what seems to be obvious truth to him, and leaves me to stew in my emotional cesspool of self-loathing. 
    Prime example (and by the way I can't believe I am sharing this.  Apparently I will do anything for an audience.)  One day as I was literally standing up to get out of the bathtub (please do not picture this in your mind.  It will burn in there and no matter what you do you can't get it out) Turnanator burst through the door because we have four toilets in this house but mine is the only one that my boys can use for some reason.  He looks at me for a second and says as calmly as a cucumber, "wow.  That is a lot to wash."

"Thank you son.  Thank you."

Going to eat some eggs to feel better about the whole thing,
Cassie
Martha
5/3/2011 12:41:18 pm

I can always count on your blog to make me laugh! Love your blog, Love, Love you!

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Michelle
5/3/2011 12:47:51 pm

I bought 15 big bags of Christmas M&Ms because they were $.68 each. I still have some in my freezer. I had my 5 year separate the colors for me for a few of the bags so I could use the red ones for Valentine cookies and the green for St. Patrick's day. Nobody's complained yet :)

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sandy
5/3/2011 12:50:04 pm

I have laughed until I wet my pants. Thank you..( I also posted on the one from yesterday by accident).

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Bonnie.Wanner
5/3/2011 12:55:25 pm

Cassie~I have laughed at all of your posts, but I do believe this one was the best yet! I was laughing out loud, literally!!;) You are just too funny!!

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5/3/2011 12:55:36 pm

I'm dying over here. Would love to spend some time helping you eat those eggs. Wish we could hang out sometime :)

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kasey
5/3/2011 01:37:51 pm

I would love to take some of those cadbury eggs off your hands. That is just the kind of person I am...always trying to find a way to help...I know...BEST SISTER-IN-LAW ever! If you do see any more eggs on sale, get me some, I will pay you back. Kirk bought out the last 15 eggs that they had around here. So, I am counting down to the depression I will feel when they are all gone. LOve ya!

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Lee Ann Grisham
5/3/2011 02:48:58 pm

I laughed so hard at this I almost wet my pants.....I am pregnant and it seems uncontrollable!! But I laughed at this for so long!! You are so funny and I love that you say things that no one else is gonna say!! Love ya girl!! I look forward to reading your blogs!! They always make my day!! And makes me feel better knowing that I am not the only one with some of these problems!!

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Sherry Ellis
5/3/2011 11:56:04 pm

Cassie I enjoy readng your blog , but this last one kept me laughing..Love it..

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K
5/4/2011 06:55:30 am

Oh how I heart the crazy person you are...fat pants, well stocked pantry, and all!

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Kimberly Wilson
5/4/2011 12:21:19 pm

Cassie,
Your blog really does make my day better! Not only am I thankful that someone else has an unhealthy addiction to all things cadbury, but it is so nice to know that I am not alone in wanting to pull my hair out most days. Also, this 3rd pregnancy is kicking my butt and I really need a good laugh in between the nauseous spells : ) thanks for being you!

Kimberly

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5/4/2011 12:40:00 pm

Cassie, I LOVE this!!! I just read this to my mom and Jeffrey and we all enjoy a great, BIG laugh together!! Thanks for the laugh!!! You are awesome!

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courtneyfair
5/4/2011 12:49:33 pm

Cassie, You should seriously consider making some money on the side by letting churches book you to come do some comic relief at women's retreats and such. I would love, love, LOVE to have you at our church. Also, we have a mother's day speaker each year and I think you'd be stinkin' awesome for that. Are you available on mother's day next year?!

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Kata
5/4/2011 01:35:40 pm

Forget your pants! Why are hoarding the eggs! I will be very upset if you don't save me some eggs (i like the crispy ones best). We'll just call it an early bday present. Do you have my name for Christmas? A whole box full will do, how much will $35 get?

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Kara
5/4/2011 01:39:36 pm

Just wanted you to know "kata" is me, so I'll get my eggs!

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Kacie
5/4/2011 02:21:19 pm

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5/4/2011 02:23:03 pm

Cassie - I nearly died of laughter. Then I told the story to Judd and he had to come read it for himself (apparently I didn't tell it quite as well as you wrote it.)

Audra called me to tell me about this post because she was laughing so hard.

Love you! Thanks for the laugh!

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5/4/2011 10:27:16 pm

Cassie, I don't know you personally but found your blog through a FB friend. You are too funny!! lol I sooooo relate to everything you said. :) I will be following you girl!

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7/6/2012 02:12:08 am

Merely a smiling visitant here to share the adore (:, btw outstanding pattern .

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7/12/2012 12:12:53 am

This can indicate that a watch has spent some or all of its life in the tropics and was not serviced as regularly as it ought to have been.

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7/14/2012 10:55:31 pm

i hope that it assists because it helps me alot.. ..and occasionally even when i have writers block and i am performing some thing else to take my mind off of my composing, i come across a time when i Wish to create far more of my story just because i guess my writer�s block is cured, so occasionally the correct time comes to you, i guess sometimes all u need to do is wait.. .i know i dont make sence but try obtaining watever u can from my answer and see if it works!!

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