Let me please just preface this story with a warning and apology.  Apology - I am a very critical person who is scared of everything.  I think all strangers are bad and scary until they prove otherwise, especially if they are acting weird in the middle of the night.  Warning - I may or may not allude to prostitution in this story.  If you or someone you love are a prostitue who would like the image of your profession to be held in high esteem, you should not read this story.

    I had a yard sale last Saturday.  

    Well technically two of my friends (follow me now on these names so you don't get confused) Johnny and Anna Reid had a giant, massive, door-buster, loads of crap-o-la yard sale at Anna Reid's house last Saturday.  She lives right on the main road through town.  I'm talking the one road in town that you have to take to get anywhere.  So we drew a lot of attention.  We started putting stuff out Friday night (amazingly it was all still there Saturday morning), and you would be shocked at the number of people that stopped by Friday night well after dark asking to look around.  One lady bought almost $30 worth at 10 p.m.  Crazy.  Just think what all she would have gotten if she could see!  Anyways (sorry this story is dragging already.  It's going to be a long one that I'm afraid is not going to be entertaining to you.  It's possibly a "you had to be there" type story) But I procede.
    At 11 p.m. Anna Reid and Katrina (my friend I roped into helping me) and I were sitting on the porch planning for the next day when out of nowhere a lady in all black (black pants, black halter top with the straps tucked in the front to convert it to a tube top - nice, and black socks shoved into hot pink flip-flops) walked up asking to shop.  We said the obvious, "Uhhhhh, well I guess so" and she proceded to tell us that she is from Cincinatti but just moved here and she lives around the corner but she has to walk because her friends are lost out in the country and they had dropped her off at the emergency room because she wanted them to take her off some of her medicine.  Percicet, Xanex, and muscle relaxers all at the same time were just too much for her.  Yowzer.  So then she tells us that she only has a $100 bill so she is going to come back first thing in the morning to buy garbage sacks full of clothes for her kids.  (I told you we had loads of stuff)  Great.

    The next thing I know, she is asking, "If I pay one of ya'll $10 will you give me a ride home?".  Immediately my mind is frantically and violently trying to come up with reasons why we can't because I'm a skeptic of anyone walking around lost in the middle of the night in sock and flip-flops.  But my dear friend Anna Reid, who is lovely and Godly and pregnant and kind to people from all walks of life, and who never thinks about the worst possible outcome first unlike me (and my one-too-many episodes of Criminal Minds) says, "sure, I'll take you".  Well there is no way Katrina and I are letting her go alone to get killed, so we all pile up in my gigantic diesel truck.  That whole "just around the corner" thing.  Yeah, not so much.  Try way out in the country on a one lane, broken up pavement, surrounded by woods, county road.  I am having some major digestive disturbances of nervousness at this point.  We are supposedly taking this lady to her grandfather's, but when we arive we are not allowed to pull into the driveway of the very suspect and dark looking um.... house for lack of a kinder term.  I'm steadily in my mind coming up with ways that I am going to drive the getaway truck while also subduing the weapon from the lady when she pulls it and tries to make us get out because I outweigh everyone in the car by at least 40 pounds and have to be the one to do it.  But there was none of that.  I mean, she obviously didn't want us to pull in the driveway, and I appreciate her trying to keep us out of any trouble or whatnot, but when she got out, we just turned around and left - as fast as we could!!  Technically we dead ended in a neighbors driveway and had to turn around my giant, loud truck 2 feet at a time but whatevs.  That's all that matters is that we were out of there.  It's funny, though, how after the fact I felt very Chuck Norris for having a weapon defense plan in the works.

   Needless to say our poor friend showed up at the yard sale midmorning of the next day and had a much different story of an angry boyfriend that took all her money after she hit him in the head with a skillet.    All I can tell you is this, do not be sitting outside with your yardsale junk at 11 p.m. You never know who will walk up needing a ride to their pimp's.......I mean grandfather's house when you are pretty certain you do not want to take her.
7/7/2011 10:47:24 pm

i have a similar story of a pregnant lady banging on our door at 2 in the morning wanting to use our phone because she just came from the airport (20 miles away) and needed a ride. I had visions of her boyfriend jumping from behind a bush with a gun and killing us all. Turns out she was high on meth and had stolen some things from a gas station a few blocks away and was trying to hide from the cops. Too bad for her we wouldn't let her come in to use our phone. We gave it to her on the porch. Love you blog by the way.

Anna Reid
7/9/2011 01:19:45 am

Thanks for making me sound so nice. You may blog about me anytime! ha ha And, might I add, you are a lovely, Godly, kind woman yourself or you would have just let me take her home alone and get shot! I probably would have pulled in the driveway anyway and asked her if I could pick her up in the morning so she could make the yard sale. Thanks for maybe saving my life! :) Jennifer Neal - I don't know you - but I have heard that story from someone in your town or family before! Wierd how crazy stories travel.

7/16/2011 03:45:34 pm

Sounds like a mental patient that I've taken care of before!!

Nina Morrison
9/4/2012 04:19:21 am

I have a new addiction......your blog.........its hilarious and entertaining.....even makes my life seem normal.....:)


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