I'm not going to lie to you - today was fantastically stanky for me.  Note that I did not say stinky, I said stanky.  It was that not good.  The whole day wasn't bad per-say, just the middle of it, but OH MAMA was it bad.  For starters, I woke up this morning at 5:45 when Aaron was leaving for work (because that is a thing I am trying to do these days even though I'm not being very consistent) and I weighed myself first thing.  The next thing I did was desperately try to induce vomitting just to feel better about myself.  It did not work (dang you, you stupid non functioning gag reflex).  So I worked out and died a little bit (dang you stupid Jillian Michaels) then showered (holla!!  yeah, you heard me.  I showered and shaved and acted like a regular person that tries and everything.)  
    Next I did the "get ready for school, feed the kids poptarts in the car, shove them out the door with the car rolling so they don't get a tardy", mom thing, and ran a few errands.  (sidebar - if you run 3 errands and 3 different people are surprised by "how nice you look", you should wash your hair and put on makeup more often).  Then I picked up a friend and we went to the big city (aka - town with more stores than walmart and dollar tree) to buy stuff for our kids' joint birthday party this weekend.  Destruct-o-girl was obviously with us because it was the nanny's day off (and the maid's and the butler's and the cook's), and even thought the first few stores went fine, Sam's was a bad, bad, bad, oh so bad experience.  

    It all started....... a few weeks ago when Aaron took the kids in Walmart and let Destruct-o-girl ride in the back of the buggy, and now she thinks that is the only place she can ride.  The problem is that she cannot quite remember to sit down and I forsee her flipping out, falling on her head, cracking her skull, and having permanent brain damage if this behavior continues.  So, because the buggies at Sam's are wide and shallow, and because I love her, and because I am the boss and she has to mind me - I tried to make my daughter sit in the baby seat all buckled in and polite.  Fail.  Epic, fantastic, cataclismic fail.  Lets just say that there was screaming and wailing and gnashing of teeth and potato chip throwing, and climbing, and more screaming, and hair pulling, and drooling, and panic, and strangers staring and passing judgements, and trips to the bathroom, and balloons, and hiding behind displays so others couldn't see the discipline, and coke icees, and even more screaming the.entire.time we were in the store.  After a good 30 minutes and comments from more than 10 strangers, it was all I could take and I found myself crying in the frozen foods section.

    Did you hear what I said?  I literally cried in the frozen foods section of Sam's Club.

    I cried because my daughter's determination to stand up almost beat my determination to make her sit her tiny hiney down and mind, and it was embarrassing, and awful, and loud, and horrible.  Plus I'm pretty sure someone took my picture on their camera phone and called social services.  I don't blame them.  And I cried because I have some migrane issues and was already feeling not so great, and that whole episode put me into full blown migrane pain, spots, and nausea.  Does it sound like I am whining here?  Because I totally, totally am.  But luckily I have wonderful friends who got me good medicine fast, picked up my kids, and rescheduled my boys' haircuts so I could nap and feel better.  I just love their faces off.  And finally, I cried because what kind of mother can't make their about-to-be two-year-old just shut up for pete's sake?!  This kind apparently.

    After some meds and some dry heaving in the parking lot of my pharmacy (too much?  sorry.  I told you my day stanked it up) and some sleep I felt a lot better and carried on with my day like a semi normal person (as normal as I can be anyway).  But the middle of my day was rough.  The kind of day that makes you rethink what your doing with your life and where it all went wrong.  However, there is always the chance that tomorrow will be better.  Maybe I won't have to leave my house at all, or get dressed, or take my daughter out in public.  Maybe migrane medicine increases metabolism.  Maybe I will come into a windfall of large sums of money.  Maybe I will put away the laundry on the end of my bed.  There's always hope I guess.

    So to all of you that just read this post and wonder what it has to do with anything - I guess the answer is - welp - nothing.  Just be glad you weren't in Sam's today with a demon posessed toddler and a headache.  The end.

Love you like drinking a giant coke icee and buying in bulk in peace,

P.S. - thanks a ton for all the recipes!  I appreciate them and are writing them down in my "good ideas for a crowd" files!  Y'all are great to me!

P.P.S - I just accidentally found an email accout that I didn't really realized I had (don't ask me how - just believe me when I say it happened), so if you have ever sent me a message in the history of this blog and I haven't responded - then I am so so sorry.  I am a technological dufus.  That is my only excuse.  I still love you though.  Keep reading and commenting and I will respond as soon as I become smart enough to figure the whole thing out. 

10/5/2011 07:13:01 pm

I totally had a similar meltdown myself because I have this terrible cold that I got fro my crazy yet cute (even though snot pours out of their noses and eyes) boys. Kenner pooped in his diaper...nothing knew except he refuses to potty train (a very stressful and sore issue between me and my first born) and his diaper isn't quite big enough to hold his business anymore...I guess I'm gonna have to start buying adult diapers since he will be in diapers until he graduates! I'm pretty sure I told him that the other day with a snide remark about needing a lot of luck to find a wife who is willing to change her husbands diapers...yeah...great parenting skills, right? I think you say it best, "don't be like me". :0) anyway since his size 5 diapers don't quite contain his yuck, it tries to escape, so changing his diaper takes a lot of skill and practice to keep it as clean as possible. Not always easy now because my little koopster is officially mobile and curious and always needs to be by Mommys side. Anyway long story short, poo somehow got on kenners hand, then face, leg, my hand...yuck...thru tears--mine, kenners, and Koopers ( because we actually drifted apart 2 inches) and a shower for Kenner....which created more tears because water streaming down the face of a 3 year old is way worse than any other punishment...after all that I was exhausted and felt like a terrible mother but at least Kenner was clean. I did hug him for a long time and try to explain the actions of his crazy mother...needless to say the 3's so far have been trying for the haston's!


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