Ewww

6/13/2012

7 Comments

 
    Sometimes I am a humongous dufus.   I'm fairly certain that every time I grew a child inside of my body it made me dumber, and apparently I didn't have that much to loose because sometimes I do stuff that is plain ridiculous.  My last post being one of them.  If you saw it, please explain to me why you didn't love me enough to say, "hey dufus, your link's not workin'".  And I would have said, "Oh no!  Just give me a little time and I will plink around on this computer as if I know a hyperlink from a hole in the ground and figure it all out".  Then I would have spent the next hour trying to figure out what I did wrong, only to realize I had the wrong blog address the whole time.   Because I'm a dufus who stays up too late to type and who eats too much processed food and who spends too much time with people under the age of 8.  I'm sure that's why.

    Anyway, hopefully now it is working and those of you who already saw it once and tried to go there but didn't love me enough to tell me I was inept at computery stuff (and reading apparently) when it didn't work, can go back and read it now and cry and snot on your shirt just a little.  It really is fantastic. 

(I need you to know that I just went back and read through those two above paragraphs, and yikes.  There's a lot of run on sentence situations going on up there.  However I am too lazy to fix it all, so just do your best to make sense of it.)

    The next thing I need to tell you is that there is a mouse in my house.  We are pretty sure it is just one at least.  The first time we saw it is when I opened the trash compactor and it jumped out.  On my bare foot.  And I died.  Then I came back to life and screamed  repeatedly while jumping up and down and convulsing violently for some time.  (those of you who are my friends on Facebook have already heard of the horror)   Since then there have been several mouse sightings, including one where said rodent scurried across our living room while we all sat there watching tv.  Apparently we have made it feel welcomed and quite at home.  Good job us.  Now we have got to employ whatever means necessary to get rid of Stuart Little.

Reason #1 - mice are disgusting
Reason #2 - I am now having nightmares about the mouse crawling on my face at night and licking my eyeballs all because of an awful show I saw on Hoarders once
Reason #3 - as wonderful and manly as my husband is, he is just as, or even more so, afraid of mice than I am.  we are not brave when it comes to rodents.  A bunch of weenies in fact
Reason #4 - I am allergic to anything mousy.  I can go in an old barn or an attic where mice have obviously been, and withing seconds I can start to feel all itchy, scratchy and raspy.  Then my eyes start swelling and the next thing you know, they are almost swollen shut and they are so fat that the eyelids turn inside out.  It's grotesque.  Horror movie stuff.
Reason #5 - please see reason #1

    We now have traps out and set all over.  Sticky traps placed stragically around the places our visitor seems to frequent.  But so far - nothing.  Apparently the little joker is very smart.  Either that or it has no need to eat peanut butter and cheese off of traps because I have a bunch of little knucklehead children that eat all over the house and drop crumbs every where they go - making this place a mouse heaven.  For instance, yesterday I looked behind the couch in the living room and there were two pepperonis, a pair of camouflage flip flops, a torn up napkin, a pair of pink crocs, a handful of m&m's, a note on a piece of torn notebook paper, some cereal, and two dead bugs.  Really children?  Pepperonis?  Really?  Right now they are eating waffles and syrup in the den.  I have no control.  

    So if you have any fantastic rodent catching advice, we will gladly take it.  Unless it involves cleaning my house up - then I'm not sure that is something I can commit to. 

    On a second, and equally important vermin note - I am originally from a place where there really are no ticks.  There are enormous amounts of mosquitoes (as in, go head to head with Alaska or the frozen tundra of Canada) but there are no ticks.  But now, I live in a place that is apparently having a booming year for ticks.  So last night when I was taking a shower to wash away the fact that we had three baseball games and I sweat like.........something that sweats a lot...............I tried to brush away the tiny spot of dirt on my leg.  And it didn't move except to wiggle it's disgusting little legs!!   A tick had lodged itself right there in my calf, and since it was the first time I have ever had a tick I flipped. 

"Ewwwww, Ewwww, Ewwwww, Aaaaarrrrrrrooooooooonnnnnnn!!!!!" 

    Of course you all know that you can't just pull it off, you have to get the head out.  Problem is, the only way we knew how was to put a hot match on it, and we were too lazy to walk to the den to get my phone charger so we could plug in my dead phone and ask Siri any other way.  Except that we don't have any matches - only those long Bic lighters to light the grill.  So my loving husband tells me to be still and let him know if it hurts.  And I, like an idiot, said ok.  Turns out that holding a lighter right up against your leg isn't hot at all until you move it that one nanometer closer to actually affect the tick.  Then you burn your leg and feel tempted scream a profanity and punch your husband who just gave you a one square inch, third degree burn - in his neck.  But you don't because you don't use profanities and you're too worried about the parasite wedged in your leg to punch anyone in the neck. 

    The tick did burn to death, though, and was successfully removed.  And I believe the moral of all of this is that we are disgusting, vermin and parasite infested people right now, and if you don't want to be our friends any longer, I would understand. 

Disgustingly yours,
Cassie
   
6/13/2012 09:02:18 am

Cassie, you are one more lovely goofy person!!!

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Karen Strickland
6/13/2012 01:29:04 pm

My mouse advise is to buy stock in the sticky trap company. Then, place them stratigically around your house, with no way for those little boogers to walk without getting in a trap. Next, you will be doing what I do, pulling them off of your kid's feet, because for some reason, kids just can't stay out of them (as with an 8 yr old at my house). I don't think it really matters what state your house is in. They are just going to get in there sometimes. What about a cat??

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Stephanie
6/28/2012 03:38:30 am

same problem now at my house. sticky traps do nothing. I purchased the DECON no see / no touch traps. you put stuff in bottom and twist. even when they trap, you can't see ANYTHING (best case scenario) and you throw away whole contraption.

mine have been outsmarted by cheese as well... eveidently they prefer something more appealing to the tastebuds than kroger brand american. so... I went with a smudge of peanut beuuter on one, and a few shavings of chocoalte on the other!
Chocolate trap got'em last night!

they are dreadful - just dreadful . nothing make me go more insane than to open my kitchen drawers and have to REWASH all my silverware when a TRACE of one appears!

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7/22/2012 11:06:29 am

Barking dogs seldom bite.

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7/29/2012 05:28:54 am

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8/20/2012 04:31:18 pm

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8/21/2012 06:32:52 am

Not to totally front you out, but wasn't there a prior mouse-in-car incident I recall? Haha! Miss you! Love you! Wish I was there to catch mice with ya!

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