Sorry I didn't blog yesterday.  I wanted to blog, but around lunch I started feeling weird.  By three o'clock I was feeling peutrid.  By five o'clock things were happening that you do not - I repeat DO NOT - want to hear about.  By night time, there was vomit.  Too much information?  Sorry.  It's the price you pay for following my thoughts on a daily basis.  They are strange and disgusting and sometimes inappropriate.  And now as I am typing this, it is after midnight so technically it was day-before-yesterday, but whatevs.
        Turnanator graduated from preschool tonight.  That's it.  He's a big boy now.  He's off to real school.  My heart is broken.  He will be in school from now to the day he leaves me.  Then he will find some other girl he likes better than me, and marry her, and move away, and never come visit me again because I smother them.  I see this coming.  I am that mother.  I don't want to be a smother mother, but I am.  I grew these kids in my womb.  I have scars and rolls and veins to prove it.  I feel like I deserve to kiss them in public, embarrass them, follow them around, make decisions for them, choose their mates, move them into a house in my back yard.  Too much?  Where was this going anyway?
    Oh yeah, my baby graduated.  It was cute and adorable.  I was nervous.  Turnanator does not do well in front of crowds.  At. All.  It stresses him out.  He pretty much feels like everyone is looking at him and imagining him in his sister's pink frilly bloomers.  In his mind they are all laughing and pointing and shouting obscenities (in reality they are parents and grandparents smiling politely).  But he just gets nervous.  Then the come-aparts begin.  There is the whining - "I don't waaaaaant to do my program.  I just caaaaaan't do my program. etc. etc.".  Then the nervous behavior, twitching, wringing of hands, hiding in the backseat, and eventually, taking out his emotions on his brother.  This is always where the trouble really goes down.  
    So tonight as I had to get everyone dressed and ready and cameras packed, bla bla bla, to get there on time because Aaron was going to meet us there, (insert jerky comment about how much he has to work followed by an apology about how thankful for his good job and health insurance I am) Turnanator is beginning to melt.  By the time we got there the hands were wringing.  When we got out of the truck, in his anxiety, my second boy shoves his brother.  So what does his brother do?  Picks this very exact moment in time to change his ways - abandon the crybaby, tattletale aproach he usually takes - and give a miniature retallitory (is that a word?) beatdown in the Methodist Church parking lot.  So here we have it - a frazzled, still half-nauseated, sweating mother screaming at her *both* crying and angry and possibly bleeding boys while holding the camera, camcorded, diaper bag, and destruct-o-girl who was losing it to get down so as to run in front of a passing car.  
    Moral of this ridiculously drawn out story?  My evening started out rough.  But it got better soon.  Turnanator chilled, my handsome baby daddy showed up, and my baby boy graduated preschool.  He will be leaving for college soon.  Also, I am already looking for a dress for the wedding. 

Love ya' like kids in miniature caps and gowns,

P.S.  Because it was his special night, we let my graduate pick where we ate dinner.  I'm leaving it up to you to guess which establishment of fine dining we visited this evening..........
5/12/2011 09:48:39 pm

Mc D's or Chuck E. Cheese? Loving your blog...had to get my dose of it/its humor before spending a day enclosed in a cave with 200 second graders on a field trip. :)

Christy Carter
5/12/2011 09:56:14 pm

I LOVE reading your blogs!!!!!! It totally makes my day! I drive the exact type of nasty filled van!!! We even had a mouse in the old one! I'm not proud, but it was kind of funny! I got a new van in Jan. It is already trashed. It now looks 10 years old inside.
I also had my own flashing story in the same week! My husband's father passed away and I went to the VA nursing home to clean out his room. I was carrying a big plastic bin and walked all the way down the 2nd floor hall, through the dining area at LUNCH with all the men smiling and waving at me( I was feeling pretty good about getting some attention even if they were 90), and down the elevator where I chatted it up with a really nice visitor. Then I noticed my reflection as I headed toward the front door! Entire shirt pulled down with the right boob completely out for the VA to see. My husband said not to worry about it because they wouldn't even remember by the time lunch was over and I had probably given them the best lunch in a long time! I aim to please!

Jennifer Ensor
5/12/2011 10:16:25 pm

I know how you feel Cassie. Vail graduates next week. Its all down hill from here right? Congrats on making it through the night.:)


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