For Real.  There really is going to be a touch of adult content on this one.  No nudity or foul language or anything - just some subject matter that is more mature.  So if you are under the age of 18 or my grandmother, please do not click on the link below.  The rest of you, I believe we are all adults and you are safe.

1. Santa brought a puppy for Christmas.  Sunnie.  Or Sunny.  Or Sunni.  I'm still not sure.  She is adorable and fluffy and we love her.  However, I do not do animals in the house except in the kennel because Turnanator has some fairly serious allergy issues and I have some fairly serious mental health issues that should be addressed by a mental health professional, including but not limited to my selective germaphobia.  I am fine with not bathing for 3 days but let one dog hair be on my couch and I'm putting on the curb for sale.  I'm a weirdo.  That's why you read my blog.  Anyway, Sunnie has to live outside during the day but it has been raining for what feels like seven weeks straight, so the poor thing has chewed up everything at my back door and she reeks of wet dog.  Mostly because she is one.  But it is almost more than I can handle.  Currently my whole house, my garage,  and my oldest son also reek.  I promise you, I can smell it when I pull into my driveway and it makes me gag a little.  (more of my mental health issues I'm afraid)

2.  We have been dieting.  I have been hungry.  I have been mean.  I have yelled at my children for things that are not important.  I have punched Aaron in the arm because he judged me for eating one small slice of cheese on what was otherwise an entirely boring and awful wheat bread sandwich.  I hate dieting.  I love things made with crisco.  I have in one week lost 6 and 1/2 pounds.  Don't get excited.  I was bloatie last week.  Plus, when you have no less than 75 pounds to lose so your body fat percentage will be under 97%, 6 and 1/2 pounds is merely a drop in the proverbial bucket. 

3.  I miss poptarts.  You know you're hungry when you're older than ten and you miss pop tarts.

4.  This year for New Years, Aaron made a resolution that proves just how wonderful he is, just how awful I am, and just how he's a big jerk for rubbing his "better than me-ness" in my face.  Well, he's not really a jerk - just a guy who wishes he always had clean work clothes, but Aaron has decided that he will be the person that does the laundry.  At first this made me angry and annoyed (please see the two times previous post for reasons) but then I decided it was awesome.  So I'm just going to ride this train as long as it lasts and see how it plays out.  He still requires me to help put away clothes (which is still entirely dreadful), but at least I'm not doing the folding any more.  He only works 12 to 14 hours per day at an incredibly stressful job and then is the college minister at our church on the side.  I figure he has plenty of free time and energy to do the laundry for a family of five.  (I feel a healthy mix of happiness and shame people)

5.  In case we are not friends on facebook and you missed this important announcement - the silica gel packets that come in things such as shoe boxes and new purses are NOT, in fact, poisonous.  Even if you are a 28 pound, two-year-old girl who ate two of them out of your  mother's new messenger bag.  Even if they say on the outside of the packet in bold words "DO NOT EAT".  Still.  They aren't poisonous.  Yay.  Yay for things that aren't toxic.

6.  The following is the thing I was talking about earlier.  The mature, adult type thing.  Like most everything else in my life - I am probably way behind and most of you have already seen this, but for the few that haven't......  My brother and sister-in-law introduced me to Flight of the Conchords (well I had heard of them but never actually heard them) over the holidays.  They are a comedy, singing duo from New Zealand and they had a show on HBO for a while.  Not sure I would recommend you watch all of their stuff, but this one song is hilarious (at least to us) and is so fitting for married couples.  If this is not funny to you, then you have not been married long enough and don't have enough kids yet.  Give it time.  (p.s. - it's about sex if you haven't figured it out.  I don't want to offend anyone so please don't watch it if that's the kind of thing that stresses you out or if your seven-year-old is standing over your shoulder. Thanks)
 
    Do you ever feel like you're drowning in a sea of stuff that needs doing and you literally cannot make yourself get with it?  It's all your fault, probably, that there is so much to do because you procrastinated in the first place but that doesn't really matter.  What matters is that everywhere you look in your house there is stuff that needs to be done.  There are new toys and clothes everywhere - as in, cannot walk across your kids' bedrooms, everywhere.  All your Christmas decorations are still up.  The laundry has just brought you three and a half seconds away from an actual divorce.  There is a laundry basket full of paperwork and overdue bills that need to be sorted in your room that's been there since the week before Thanksgiving.  Santa brought a new dog and now your whole house smells atrocious.  And that's all you really want to do is take a day off and pin stuff on Pinterest.  I mean, don't you get a Christmas vacation too?

    Mind you, I'm talking about you, not me, being in this situation.  I would never get myself in such a dilemma.  So what would you do?  Avoid all that stuff that needs to be done.  And complain probably.  About stuff that doesn't even matter.  Yeah, definitely you would complain about all the stuff that is wrong with your life.  Like the fact that the front of your house is so flat and there are no flower beds and the curb appeal is at an overwhelming zero and apparently you are the only one concerned with that so you absolutely have to spend all your time today worrying about it rather than putting the glitter Christmas trees back in their boxes.  You would complain about the fact that your bathroom with it's almond toilet has been disgusting for too long and you would avoid laundry by going to the local tile store and looking for over an hour today at tile you cannot afford to buy even though you love it because it is $14 per square foot.  You would probably even storm around in anger when you find that your sick two-year-old daughter wiped her actual tongue with a clorox wipe that had just seconds previous been used to removed puppy feces off of your living room floor.  Yeah, that one would probably really tear you up for a good while.  So you would complain about it all, I'm sure, and avoid anything that resembled housework - including but not limited to cooking for your family. 

    The next thing you would do, probably, if it were you in this situation - not me for sure - is get insanely and inexplicably angry at your husband for folding the laundry.  The stupid way his stupid self is rubbing it in your stupid face that he is a better stupid person than you that can actually do the stupid laundry without feeling like he is stupidly going to die of stupid torture.  Stupid.  Then you would probably say something terribly mean just because you wanted to make him mad - all because he was being a big jerk and folding that laundry so stupidly.  And it would probably work.  And things might become slightly confrontational.

    Then you would feel bad.  Because really, if the worst thing your poor husband does all week is fold 5 loads of laundry, can he really be all that stupidly bad?  Probably notsomuch.

    And that's pretty much what you would do if you were a crazy lady that was feeling overwhelmedish because you procrastinate.  And hate laundry with a fiery passion that burns. 

    Wow.  It's a good thing I'm not like you.