So this is one of those serious type posts that I hesitate to even write, because serious type posts get awfully personal.  I know, you think it's awfully personal already when I tell you about my aversion to personal hygiene and the occasional filth level of my home.  But that kind of stuff doesn't bother me.  That's just stuff.  But private, feelings type of stuff, especially about my babies, that's what's real.  And so I'm sitting here typing, ready at any minute to just delete the whole post, because I'm not even sure where to begin.  But here goes...........

    Aaron is a fantastic athlete.  (Ha!  That's not what you expected the issue to be, was it?)  The thing is, I am not.  At. All.  I mean even a little.  I played lots of sports in my youth but only because I went to a tiny little private school and everyone had to play to have enough to make a team.  That plus all the sports kids got out of school all the time to go to games while the other jokers spent hours wasting away in study hall.  No way I was doing that! But I was so bad that just last year my grandmother was reminiscing about going to my softball games and her exact description of me as a baller was something like, "pitiful".  However, when Aaron and I got married and decided to have babies, I just assumed that "athletic genes" would be dominant so I didn't even think to worry.  Wow.  They are not. 

    I mean, our kids have some decent skills and some decent hand/eye coordination, but they are not star athletes.   And bless his heart, SuperG runs just like me.  Which means he can't run.  Even a little.  And right now is baseball season.  (by the way, I know you are already saying "seriously, THIS is this crazy woman's issue?".  Just bear with me)  The thing about baseball season starting in our new, older league, is that we are getting to the hardcore, travel ball level now.  I mean our coaches are great and all the kids are sweet, but there is beginning to be a distinct difference in the ones with skill and the ones without.  And practices get longer, and later.  Which really is fine.  Except that Aaron is not there a lot because he's at work a lot, so the three kids and I have been spending a lot of late hours at the park alone lately.  And let me tell you, it is so hard to get excited about that when you watch your kid out there struggling to keep up. 

    Just for any clarification needed at this point, I don't love my son one iota less because he isn't great at baseball or soccer.  In fact, I think he is smart and cute and funny and wonderful.  Plus he's a pretty good little golfer to only be 7 and he is playing chords with both hands at the same time on the piano already.  He's really a talented guy.  But in the past while, his dad and I have noticed that he isn't trying as hard as he should at things. And that's what has been upsetting us.  His level of talent does not upset us.  The fact that he can practice in the yard all afternoon and show improvement by leaps and bounds, and then go to the ball park and be standing backwards in the outfield because no balls are coming to him or pout when he gets out on a base.  Whew, that's just been a hard thing for us to swallow lately - especially at 8:30 on a school night while his sister is stomping in a ditch full of mud and we're all freezing. 

    Then last night it all blew up.  His attitude was not a great one, and when practice was over and most kids had already left, we realized that his brother's brand new, literally purchased one day before, ball glove had been in his ball bag and now it was gone.  Yikes.  Then when he didn't really seem upset about the fact that he wasn't even supposed to have it and he didn't keep up with it and it wasn't his to loose........Double yikes.  Needless to say, the night didn't go really well because lots of parental emotions were just exploding out of both of us (poor Aaron felt like no one appreciates anything that he works very hard to provide because everyone gets more than they could ever need. And he felt like SuperG was not doing his best when that's all we really ask for.  Not perfection.  Just his best and to care about someone other than himself.  Then I felt like I overwhelmingly can't keep up with everyone's activities and stuff and practices and AR books and homework and laundry and bedtimes and dinners and orange baseball socks without having a meltdown.  Plus I felt like I was going to suffocate with guilt because I have passed on these traits that will make life harder for him because there are things he is just not going to be great at and he will always have a hard time controlling him emotions.  Then we went to bed and just stared up at the ceiling feeling like the worst parents in the world.  It was not a great night.

    I woke up this morning with a heavy heart about the whole thing, and I woke my baby up with hugs and kind words.  But I still couldn't shake all the feelings from last night.  Then you know what?  I spent the morning with a lady who has recently become very dear to me, and she and I discussed some of the things going on in her life.   She has some hard stuff going on right now, and honestly, she's had hard stuff her whole life.  Parents with substance abuse problems.  Homes without much love.  Fending for herself at a very young age.  Then we started discussing a child we know of right now who doesn't have a father in the picture.  Whose mother has a problem with drugs, and men.  Who lives through situations that I cannot even bring myself to think about, and oh what a little trooper he is.  Then I later began telling of the amazing adoption story of a friend.  Last Thursday night, this friend got in the bed praying for a baby, as she had fervently and painfully done for the past four years now.  And she was woken up by a call about a baby.  A tiny 2 pound 4 oz. baby that needed a family to love her.  Within the next 12 hours this friend and her husband were chosen to be the sweet baby's mommy and daddy, and in 72 hours everything was final.  They went from a place of great sadness and longing, to the happiest, most blessed couple you could ever imagine, all in what seemed like a fleeting second.  The proud parents of a thriving little angel.

    Then Aaron sent me a text. "I love you.  Last night was not great.  You ok?".  And all of a sudden that's all I could think was......I had spent the whole night consumed with emotions about the fact that my child is not exactly the person that I had planned for him to be.  That some things are not as important to him as I wish they would be, and he has some things about his personality that he will have to learn to control.  He will have to work harder than other kids if he wants to succeed in some areas.  And he lost his brother's brand new baseball glove.

    And I felt ridiculous.  What in the world do I have to be upset about?  Because he won't be just like his daddy?  Because he can't catch pop flies?  Because he lost a glove that we will probably end up getting back?  Because he has turned out to be just the person we have molded him to be, whether we intended to or not? 

    Oh thank you God for that beautiful healthy child who can make me cry when he genuinely prays.  Who can feel pain for others and not know how to control it.  Who loves to hit a golf balls and gives hugs freely and looks past disabilities and talks your head off.  And who you trusted to me to guide through life to teach what is important.  Please keep help me remember what's important.  And thank you for a little perspective.
    So tonight I was going to write about how both of my boys are sick with a non-streptacoccal but seemingly bacterial communicable disease.  (read: they don't have strep but are taking antibiotics and you will probably catch it if you come over here)  It started with, "I feel sleepy and my head hurts", and escalated to, "my throat feels weird", and is now at 102 degree temperatures.  Poor poor little angles.  Needless to say my day has been a little long, but actually quite relaxing because I spent like five hours sitting on the couch watching tv, snuggling with my babies.  And miraculously, even Destruct-o-girl seemed to understand what was going on and just chilled with us.  She was so good this afternoon that I was certain I had accidentally swapped her with another cute, wild-haired baby at Sam's Club this morning.  She even went to the boys room and brought Turnanator his build-a-bear all by herself.  That little angel-puffpuff.  (please remind me about all of this tomorrow when she eats rat poison and disassembles the toaster)

    And once Aaron got home tonight, he wanted to love on them (so we could both be sure to catch it too).  While he held and rocked and hugged them, I spent an embarrassingly long time on Pinterest.  Because it's what I do.  If you're on there, you get it.  If not - run.  Run for the life of your time and self control.   Anyways, tonight I created a new "board" on there for little quotes and whatnot that I either need or identify with, and as I was finally making myself stop searching on there I thought, "What am I doing?  If I need 'something inspirational' then what am I doing looking on Pinterest for it?"  

    So I went to the place where I read about my favorite and most inspirational lady, and then realized that there might be a few of y'all who need to be reminded about her too.  I'm just warning you - she sounds perfect.  Like....too perfect to be true and I will never be as good as her.  But also remember that she had servants.  And her kids didn't go to school and have homework and take art and piano and join cub scouts and play every sport available.  And she didn't get voted to the PTA and join Junior Auxillary and agree to help be a scout leader and tutor at school and try to exercise and teach Bible class and do the laundry and clean the house and pay the bills and bathe the kids and plan elaborate birthday parties and shop online, all while running a household and probably working full time.  She did a lot.  A.Lot.  But let's just remeber to keep her in perspective.  It's that extra part - the spiritual part - that we need to look to her for because she seems to make time for it still with all the other she does.  She seems to reach the unatainable balance.  I hope you enjoy reading about this lady as much as I do because as a goal for myself, she is really who I hope to be.
An excellent wife who can find?  She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will lack no gain
She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands.
She is like the ships of the merchant, she brings her food from afar.
She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.
She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.
She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.  Her lamp does not go out at night.
She puts her hands to the distaff and her hands hold the spindle.
She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in double thickness.
She makes bed coverings for herself, her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant.
Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tounge.
She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her,
"Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fear the Lord is to be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.
Proverbs 31:10-31
    I mean seriously?  Are you not tired just from reading about her.  Whew!  I really want to be her one day.  But until then I will probably just do my best to stay afloat on busy days and continue to eat the bread of idleness on the internet in the middle of the night figuring out how to make a Christmas ball ornament and a coffee table out of old pallets.  And I will have a day soon when my house is a health hazard and my truck looks like a traveling dumpster and Mt. Saint Laundry will be back on my bed (um.....tomorrow) and hopefully I will go back and read about this lady again and get all pumped up *again* to get my act together.   Hope she does the same for you!