1.  I love lists.

2.  I love cake.

3.  I love lists about cake.

4.  I digress.

5.  I have not written in over two weeks.

6.  I wanted to write sometime the end of last week but I couldn't.  Because I could not peel my face out of the Hunger Games books long enough to care for my children or sleep, much less write something myself.  I could.not.put.them.down.  All I have to say is "wow".  Just "wow".  How in the round world a person is creative enough to come up with all of that is beyond my comprehension.  It was incredible.  That is all.  No spoilers here people.  Go get them.  Read them.  Come to terms with them.

7.  I have a daughter who is adorable and awful and precious and exhausting.  That daughter loves suckers.  We went through the bank drive through the other day, and she received a dum-dum sucker.  Root beer flavored.  She is the first person I have ever seen to actually eat a root beer flavored dum-dum.  She was still eating it when we got home.  As I was unloading things from my car and she was playing in the garage, I looked up to see my daughter holding our dog Sunni down, feeding her the sucker.  Sunni was going to town on that thing.  Apparently, australian shepherds also like root beer flavored dum-dums.  When my daughter decided that Sunni had had enough, she removed the sucker from the dog's mouth.  And placed it back in her own.  My daughter loves her dog. 

8.  I need a week or two that is entirely kid free so I can do nothing but work on projects that I steal from pinterest and or create in my mind.  I am currently only about a quarter of the way through a project that I began last year of turning old funky fence into shutters for my house.  I hope to get them done before the wood actually decomposes to dust.  I am also about half way through with a wreath covered in fabric rosettes.  I hope to get it done before fabric rosettes become as uncool as avocado refrigerators and navy, hunter green, and maroon hunting scenes in a gold frame over striped wallpaper in the same hues.  And the coffee table I have done nothing but dream about yet?  Fugettaboutit.  I do however have high hopes and dreams of painting my toe nails this week.  Baby steps.

9.  I occasionally take my children to the street behind our house to walk because it's a dead end that doesn't see much traffic and the weather has been lovely lately.  Plus it helps me justify eating the fudge we bought the other day if I walk that whole half of a mile at one time.  But last week something happened.  Something momentous and a tiny bit (ok, a lot) frightening happened.  I finally caught a glance of the guy who lives with his mother on our street.  You know the house.  The one where no one answers if you're selling cookies or candy bars or wrapping paper or whatever, even though you hear the tv on and the cars are in the driveway.  The one that if a kid ever dares to venture onto their grass, all the parents immediately begin to scream, "get out of their yard!  What are you doing?  Come here before they see you!".  That house.  And after catching a glance at the son, turns out all our concerns have been completely warranted.  Because, you see, as it turns out, we live down the street from the Unibomber.  Please don't tell anyone.  Information like this is never good for property values.

10.  I sometimes wonder if I am the only person in the world that feels the need to have a couple of more babies, just because I've fallen in love with another name and feel as if it is too good to not be given to someone in my life.  A few weeks ago we visited some dear friends who have a new cat named Estelle.  I now feel like if I don't give birth to another daughter so I can name her Estelle, after my dear friends' cat, then I will forever suffer with a small hole in my maternal psyche.  I also feel very strongly about the name Birdie (even though husband talked me out of it last time), and Owen all for a girl.  I honestly don't care if you feel the need to use these names yourself, as it is well documented on this blog that they were all my brainchild.  Just don't be offended when I have three more kids and name them these names as well.  And let's not even bring up little Shep.  He'll be there too.  I think of all these things some times and I let it eat away at me.  "poor cute names with no one to label.  poor cute wasted names".  Then I remember the horrors that are colic and breast feeding (I realized this was not a horror to many of you - probably exclusive to me) and I regain all sense of reality and give my baby names away on this blog.  Dear world - your welcome.  I would love to see a picture of your Birdie the first chance you get. (see that doesn't sound weird at all........)

11.  I had dental work done today.  It was actually quite painless.  However, the real ordeal was the fact that a large chunk of my face and half my nose was numb for hours to follow.  You have never lived until you have shown your friends how you can flare only one nostril.

12.  I have to wear a fancy dress this weekend that is too tight because I didn't walk more than a half mile at a time.  I am considering wrapping my body with seran wrap so my belly button indention does not show.  I hear this is a tactic in beauty pageants and such.  Have any of you ever done this?  Is this something that will actually work or will I end up sweating like a stuck hog 46 minutes into my fancy dinner that I cannot swallow because there is no room for food?  Advice please.

13.  Red velvet with cream cheese icing

14.  Chocolate with holes poked and sweetened condensed milk pour over while hot.  Then topped with whipped cream cheese icing once cooled.

15.  Angel food covered in cool whip and crushed butterfinger

16.  Birthday with big piles of icing

17.  Wedding

18.  I told you I love lists about cake.
     I haven't written in two whole weeks.  I have no idea why it's been that long.  When I first started this blog, I wanted to write several times a week.  But soon that became overwhelming so it whittled down to eventually just once a week.  And then for some reason, the past two weeks happened, and I just could not bring myself to sit down here and type.  I kept thinking about it, and every time I would sit down at the computer, blah.  Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.  I think I'm just not feeling funny lately - and funny is kind of my thing.  Or at least in my mind it is.  Please don't tell me otherwise.  It will hurt my psyche.  And I can't afford another hurt thing today.

     As it turns out, my righteous case of writers block is still here and going strong pretty much, but I have managed to muster out a sad story of lameocity and woe from my pain.  Today I did two things that were very good for me, but oh so very out of characteristic and included me wincing and wishing for a fleeting second that I used profanities.  (please don't be like me)  For those of you who are my friends on facebook, you will already know about all of this, but what can I say - I already told you I had writers block.

     I went to the dentist.  Yeah, I know to you that doesn't really sound like a big deal, but to me it was huge.  Mammoth.  Epic even.  I'm talking "a new Star Wars movie" epic.  You see, I am a self-diagnosed sufferer of Dental Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  So much so that, barring a visit for pain with a cracked tooth 5 years ago that eventually led to an ill fitting crown and more trauma, today was essentially my first cleaning and checkup in more than 10 years.  Please feel free to judge away.  I don't care.  I have a mental health condition, DPTSD, and I cannot help it.  It all began many years ago with a little girl and a giant chin.  It's true.  I hit puberty and that joker shot out like Jay Leno wearing a jet pack.  Pair that with some gnarly looking teeth, and we're talking six years of braces, two preliminary dental surgeries, and one broken and realigned jaw with a mouth wired shut for six weeks.  I know you would never know it now from looking at me and my stunning beauty, but it was whack man.  Whack.  Then when I was finally forced back to the dentist with a cracked up tooth, there was the whole "crown episode of 2007" that took ten visits and a little bit of screaming.  I am damaged.  I am broken.  I hate the dentist.

     My mother nags.  My mother fusses.  My mother wears me out.  My mother footed the bill for all of the afore mentioned dental work, so now my mother cannot bear the fact that I am content to let my teeth rot out of my head like a professional meth addict rather than visit a trained dental professional.  So today, I humored my mother and I went to the dentist.  I chose him because he was recommended to be kind and non-judgemental, and because he gives the gas whether your insurance pays for it or not.  It's "complimentary".  I asked for it in the parking lot just so I could get through the front door.  Unfortunately they aren't quite that obliging, but they were terribly nice otherwise.  Luckily I lived and am scheduled to go back again.  No one get too excited, though.  I make no promises.  Baby steps people.

     Another thing I did today which was not good for me at all, was too finish off the gargantuan Hershey's kiss that I had given Super G for valentine's day.  The one he gnawed on for a while and then decided it was too much work so he layed it down and said, "that's enough.  I don't want to get fat anyway".  So I ate the rest of it.  (don't be like me)

     Which brings me to my next point of what I did good for me today.  I exercised.  And not just any old plain jane exercise.  I did P90X.  I know I'm behind the times and all of you did it last year and now you're on to something else.  But I didn't.  I had it last year, but I didn't do it.  Mostly because Aaron is the one that wanted to do it, so he ordered it, and then two days before it arrived in the mail he fell out of the attic while putting up the 87 boxes of Christmas paraphernalia and ripped up things all over the inside of his body.  It was whack man.  Whack.  So we didn't do it.  But now we are.  We've done two videos - "chest and back" and "plyometrics".  One is an hour of pushups and one is an hour of jumping.  I currently cannot put on deoderant because I cannot reach either arm to the opposite side of my body, and I am sleeping in my tennis shoes tonight because my legs become so jiggly when I bend over that I fall down.  Then my back is too sore to lean over and untie the double knots - hence the sleeping in the Reeboks.  On the floor.  (don't be like me)

     It's funny how just typing this made me think back to a story that's only funny to me (but I'm totally going to tell it to you poor suckers anyway).  You know how I was talking about the chin earlier and how I am always talking about the love of cadbury eggs (which are out now btw!) and the resulting "no pants that fit"?  Well one afternoon while in college, Aaron and I were talking about "when we get married" and he decide it would be funny if we both drew a picture of what we thought our kids will look like.  He drew a boy, and I drew a girl.  And we used every terrible feature that either one of us have, multiplied by 100.  You should have seen those jokers.  Both fictional kids were 7 feet tall, with a unibrow, a nose wide enough to fly a paper airplane up, "booty lips", and "the gimpy toothed chin situation".  Then they had a ginormous rear end, tree trunk thighs and weird feet.  Plus there was some acne and several cowlicks.  And sticky-outy ears.  And stubby hands.  Did I mention the large buttox?  Anyway, this image has stuck with me all these years, so if you have ever heard me talk about crying when I found out I was pregnant with a girl - it was for many reasons.  Especially the fact that her life was going to be extra hard looking like that.  But it turns out so far that no one has signs of a giant chin (even though bless Super G's little heart his teeth are already gimpy), there's not that many cowlicks at our house, and they all seem to have the good sense to quit eating the giant Hershey's kiss before they develop type 2 diabetes at age 8. 

    And just to prove their cuteness against all odds, I thought I would throw in some pictures that I came across tonight that I haven't seen in a while.
Love you like a fat kid (with a big chin) loves cake,