.......Whew!  I wish I had a dollar for every time I've heard that line in the past four days.  I would definately have enough money to go get mexican, order a real drink and not just water, and even get a large cheese dip.  ('cause that's just the level of cool that I am).  My boys have been pumped - pumped I tell ya' - about halloween.  Not so much the costume part, but hard core the candy-gettin' part.  Hard-core.  Well, I take that back.  My little OCD Turnanator has been unexcited about the costume.  Super G, on the other hand, who for some reason is high drama (I still have no idea where he gets it) is big much in love with the costume of it all.  And he definitely went all the way this year - costume, hair, hat, face paint - the whole schmere.  

    So because everyone else is doing it, and because there are now four of you that might actually care about my kids and their level of cutieness, here are some pics from this weekend and tonight.
This is my supercute bumblebee, Bumblebee, and a totally kickin' clown tonight. All out for the goods. (and some reeses for their mama that they didn't know they were giving to her)
Again with my same cast of characters, except this was last night at trunk or treat at church and Aaron and I were dressed as bee keepers for obvious reasons. 1. We're dorky and like to dress up 2. D was a bee. Mostly #1.
and speaking of dorky.............I actually thought these were pretty good costumes considering we threw them together in an hour or so. But right as we were getting ready to leave for a party I realized my dessert I was supposed to take was not ready. So guess who got to go into the grocery store dressed like a pirate. I'll give you a hint. It wasn't the tall one. It's a good thing I'm good at being awesome or that would have been embarrassing.
You're going to need a little info on this next picture.  Super G was invited to a birthday party for a boy in his class, and it was to be a "scary" good time.  The instructions said to wear your scariest costume and my boy was upset that he had a clown suit and it wasn't scary at all.  Luckily for him, his mother is bad to the bone (and youtube exists) because it didn't take long to convince him that there is nothing scarier in the world than a seven year old, serial killer clown.  And to prove it...........................
But seriously, I gave birth to him, got him dressed, and did his make-up and he still freaked me out just a tad. Disturbing.
Hope your Halloween was great, and you had a large time either getting or giving the candy!  (and I hope you snuck enough of it that you can remember why Halloween is awesome)

Experiencing Stomach Pains Involved With Excessive Amounts Of Reeses Peanutbutter Cup Intake,
Me: "hey cutie.  How does it feel to be two?"
D: "shree" (three)

Me: "what are we going to do for your birthday?"
D: "nothing because I'm a third child and my mother has become too lazy to throw parties for toddlers that won't remember them."

Me: "what did you get for your birthday present?"
D: "nothing.  In fact, my mother hasn't even bought me anything yet because she is lame."

Ok, so maybe she only answered the first question like this, but it sure was cute.  The other two are just sadly true.

Me: "is that cake good?"
D: "(condescendingly) um..it's cake.  Duh"

Icing.  Yes.  She is soooo her mother's child.

Me: "hey boo, whatcha' got there?"
D: "a light-up, talking disney princess vanity set complete with hair straighter, working blowdrier, perfume, and jewelry that you took me to Toys R' Us to buy today"

(ok that wasn't quite her answer either, but more truth.  really it went more like this.............)

Me: "hey boo, whatcha' got there?"
D: blablagobbledygookyaddayadda want wips (lipstick)?

Dear Boo girl,
  As your mother I just need you to know that you are the most wonderful little creature, and even though sometimes you behave like a wildabeast at high tea, I love your face off.  Thanks for being born.  I am lucky to get to be your mommy.

Happy Birthday Destruct-o-girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (p.s. It is unfathomable to me that she has been here for two years.  cheesy, I know, but true) 
Hallelujah It's Raining Men. 

Ok, it's not really so much a hallelujah situation as a "wow this is a really expensive kind of day" situation, but honestly I'm just glad these men are here.  Eight of them in fact.  Four are here to put in a new heat pump on my kids' side of the house because our previous one was original to the house, and very very old - and energy unefficient, and broken forever.  And four are here to finally fix the leak in the pool.  The one that I may or may not have mentioned once or thirty-nine times?  Yeah that one.  Turns out, the pipe that connects to one of the main jets was broken right where it hooks together - under the concrete.  The poor poor concrete.  The poor poor, now busted up with a jackhammer concrete.  Sad.

But all is not sad.  This day is actually happy in a way because I feel like we are finally getting some closure to all of our life's issues and woes, but it is a sad day because tonight we will have to decide which of our children we are going to sell so we can afford all of this.  We are now taking bids.  Only interested parties and serious offers please.
This would be the entire pool full of water that is blowing out of the currently cut pipe. It feels a twinge painful to think of all that water leaving and having to be replaced. By more water. That we will be charged for. Sigh.
This is an almost empty pool. It's totally empty now, but I was too embarrassed to keep going out and taking pictures of a hole in the ground in front of the repair guys. I could tell they were beginning to think I was a weirdo. And saying, "I'm going to blog about this" to a guy with a Harley Davidson do-rag on makes it even weirder.
Dear Concrete, I'm sorry. But it had to happen. It was what's best for all of us in the long run. Cassie
See all these vehicles? All full of repairmen and equipment. Destruct-o-girl is currently losing it because she needs to help someone desperately. Unfortunately she has not yet completed HVAC certification school so they are frowning upon it.
Hard at work. And by the way, they are standing there talking to a full grown man standing inside that closet.
    This is in no way a plug for anything, but I have been wanting to tell y'all for a while about what got the whole "new heatpump" thing rolling.  Well actually the old one breaking got it rolling, but once it did - we had an energy audit by TVA and it prompted us to make several changes around here.  Nothing major besides today's work that had to be done anyway, but lots of cool info about how to insulate better and save money on energy costs.  And I need to be honest here - we are not green at all.  I did buy a composter, but two months into that I have no idea what I was thinking.  I'm like that sometimes.  I know you are shocked.  However, even disposable diaper and ziplock bag using earth murderers like us want to save money on their bills, and the cool thing is we got lots of helpful information as to what we could do to save money. Plus we will get a percentage back on all of the improvements we made.   So seriously, nobody paid me to say all this, but if you have an older house it really is a cool thing to check out.  Do it.  Do it right now.  

    Don't forget, there will be children for sale soon.  One is whiney, one is OCD, and one is just plain bad, but they're all extra cute and are good eaters.  So consider it.  I'm looking to get a new car and a vacation out of the deal too.

Shamelessly panhandeling,
    You know that akward feeling you get when the crazy looking, skin-and-bones, toothless woman stops you and your kids in Walmart to tell you that people are running a rat race in there and they keep trying to run over her so she has just started cussing everybody?  Yeah me too.  Stay off the crystal meth kids.

    So we watch a lot of Disney channel around here, and while she gets on my nerves some times, I think Brenda Song (who plays London Tipton on Suite Life On Deck) is a cute little actor and girl.  Then yesterday I saw where she went and got herself knocked up by and engaged to Chance Cyrus, Miley's brother.  The only word I have for that is ewww.  Ewww.  Ewwww.  Ewwwww.  If you don't know why this is ewwwww then please go google him.  Make sure the picture you see has the latest tatoos with the feathers falling out of his eyes and down his face.  What an idiot.  Stay off the crystal meth kids.

    I saw Joe Jonas's newest solo cd being advertised the other day and they were showing clips from one of the music videos.  I'm sure he is still a lovely boy and all, but it's going to be hard to sell the whole "promise ring" bit when you are singing to and rubbing all over a hotting wearing nothing but her itty bitty panties and your shirt with only two buttons actually buttoned.  I'm just saying.  

    You know that feeling you get on Sunday when you realize there is no way you are getting a nap, and all of a sudden you feel like you might actually die?  Yeah, me too.  Three days ago.

    You know you are lame when you pay a dear friend to clean your house but then won't let her come over because you haven't cleaned it up enough yet.

    Destruct-o-girl got mad a me the other day because I wouldn't let her go outside.  (that is a common occurance here)  So she fell out in the floor kicking and sreaming and writhing and I just ignored her.  When she realized I wasn't interested, she got up, walked to the living room, picked up the laptop that is bigger than her, walked to the kitchen with it, stood right in front of me and yelled my name, then tried to slam it on the floor in front of me.  What a punk.  Please stay away from the crystal meth kid.

    You know that feeling you get when you realize that your cubscout was supposed to be selling popcorn and you forgot and the money is due tomorrow?  No, me either. (on an unrelated note - some of you will be receiving calls tomorrow about "something" that I am buying for you and then will charge you for)

    Do you ever feel like a secretary?  For your children?  Next week we have a halloween party, basketball tryout/evaluations, and the flag raising ceremony at the high school football game - all at the exact same time for the same kid.

    I am doing some hard core Disney research and currently it is so overwhelming that I'm nervous and intimidated.  Please tell me it is not as difficult as it seems.  I believe I am going to start asking Disney questions every so often so I can mull the info over just a piece at a time.  So today's question is....
    *Where is your favorite place to stay at Disney?  We want to stay on site and I'm just completely overwhelmed by the number of options and all the things you have to weigh like dining, convenience, money, and space.  So I would love a reply if you have any input on this - especially if you have done it with little chirens.  Little bad chirens at that.  Spoiled, sass talkin', laptop throwing chirens.  And if not with bad chirens, just your regular kids.  

    speak to me.  help me.  guide me.  enlighten me. 

Too tired to type more,
 For starters, I just feel like I owe I huge, gigantic apology to anyone who has had to be around me for the past three days.  I have been a idiot who will not stop blabbing and going on and on about my business to anyone who would stand still long enough for me to tell it.  I would love to think that I am the kind of person who is super easy going and totally whatever.  Sadly, though, I really am not.  I am an unorganized, last-minute, forgetfull mess, and I am not easy going when things get too out of control. I am a walking freak-out.  And this weekend, I felt very out of control at times.  So if you were around me at any point since Friday morning, please do not read any farther.  I'm sure you were annnoyed to death with me and the fact that I wouldn't shut up about my crazy weekend at the time you had to suffer through hearing it.  I can hear myself talking too much when I'm doing it - I just can't stop my mouth from running.  But that story you heard  is what this post is about, so I'm just warning you so you don't have to rehash the whole stupid thing again.

(I need you to know that I just typed out every detail of my entire weekend, but it was so long that I got too bored to even read it back to myself - which is a sign of mega lameness.  So instead, here is the cliff notes version of my Friday so I can just get the whole thing off my chest.)

1. My wonderful husband waited until I was at the pumpkin patch with Turnanator and seven million other kindergarteners to tell me about a dinner that was that night (that he had "totally forgotten about") at the V.P. of Operations house, and we just really had to go.  (p.s. - the V.P. is a big deal.  He runs the whole factory.  He's the big cheese of the place where they build cars.  Cars you have heard of.  Cars you may even drive.)

2. I freaked out for many many reasons.

3. My kids ended up having three different babysitters on Friday because everyone had to take the day in shifts.

4. I spent lots and lots and too much money at the mall because I was already in the big city when I realized I had forgotten half of our stuff that we needed to get ready and I only had an hour to buy it all. 

5. I remembered that I rode behind a tractor and petted a goat and sweated profusely at the pumpkin patch and literally did not have time to bathe between functions. 

6. Aaron and I realized we had no place to get ready for the party, so we met...................in the Walmart parking lot.

7. My 6'6" husband and my big fat self climbed into the back of my truck and got completely ready for the party in the Walmart parking lot.

8. My husband and I are white trash rednecks.

9. I gave myself a bath with babywipes because I smelled like dirt and goats while topless in the backseat of my truck in the Walmart parking lot.

10.  Never be like me.

11.  We went to the party, pretended everything was fine, and died of exhaustion the second we got home.

The end.


Hope this helps you feel better about yourself as a person.

    Occasionally I find myself upset about something (more often than not, AT Aaron over something dumb when this occurs) and I tell him I am fine.  I act fine, I reassure him I am fine, I pretend to be annoyed when he questions my "fineness".  Then I leave the room.  I go change over the laundry, and I empty the dishwasher, and I get on the computer and facebook stalk for a while.  Then I get all upset and torn up inside that he didn't know that I wasn't fine even though I said I was.  Or even worse - he knew I wasn't fine but didn't care enough about it to come baby me through the whole stupid episode.  Then I sulk.  I am a crazy head-games kind of lady like that.  It's true.  I am just glad God saw fit to put me with someone who just loves me anyway.

    But just a piece of advice - Don't be like me.  Usually it's more trouble than it's worth.

Enlightening the world one crazy lady trait at a time,


p.s. - don't judge my crazy.  I'm just putting it out there so you can feel better about yours ;-)

    I am tired.  Like, barely awake, why am I not in the bed, too sleepy to stand up out of this hand-me-down harvest gold recliner.  But can I just tell you that earlier tonight there were some kids over here watching tv (The Singoff.  I'm telling you - if you aren't watching it then you are seriously missing out) and when they left, I changed the tv station to A&E?  Can I tell you that I decided on A&E because Hoarders was on?  Can I tell you that I love to watch Hoarders because it's so awful?  Fantastically awful.  Horrifically, violently, combustibly, ginormously awful in an I-can't-stop-staring-at-the-trainwreck awful.  Most of the time the people's houses are beyond liveable and completely disgusting, but tonight - tonight's episode just took the cake for me.  A poor man had found his wife dead in her truck years ago at age 39 from a heart condition, and he had never dealt with the grief.  So to feel better, he got 3 pet rats.  Years ago.  Do you see where I'm going with this?  Do you?

    Animal services came in and removed almost 2,500 rats out of this man's house.



                in one house

    I would continue to type a nice long paragraph about the whole situation, except that my organs are currently still seizing and about to shut down from the horrors of it all.  The heibby-jeibbies are so profound for me right now that I can barely bring myself to breath, much less process the nastiness.  But because I love you, I will leave you with a final quote from Glen the rat hoarder.............

    "I have to sleep in my shop now because they are everywhere.  If I lay down to try to sleep they will come up to me and pull my hair out - anything for nesting material.  Also, anything with moisture, they will lick and it's awfully hard to sleep with rats licking your eyeballs all night."

    How's that for a visual?  You're welcome.


Love you like reality television,

because they let you get in the bed with them while you say prayers at night.
because they show you how to make a funny face when your mom takes your picture.
because they ride you around when you can't quite figure out how to steer yet.
because they teach you how to make that cool, indian, mouth-patting noise while you laugh on a swing.
and because they love you enough to let you lay your head on their shoulder while they watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with you (even though they think that show is for babies).
Yeah, big brothers totally rock.
    I'm not going to lie to you - today was fantastically stanky for me.  Note that I did not say stinky, I said stanky.  It was that not good.  The whole day wasn't bad per-say, just the middle of it, but OH MAMA was it bad.  For starters, I woke up this morning at 5:45 when Aaron was leaving for work (because that is a thing I am trying to do these days even though I'm not being very consistent) and I weighed myself first thing.  The next thing I did was desperately try to induce vomitting just to feel better about myself.  It did not work (dang you, you stupid non functioning gag reflex).  So I worked out and died a little bit (dang you stupid Jillian Michaels) then showered (holla!!  yeah, you heard me.  I showered and shaved and acted like a regular person that tries and everything.)  
    Next I did the "get ready for school, feed the kids poptarts in the car, shove them out the door with the car rolling so they don't get a tardy", mom thing, and ran a few errands.  (sidebar - if you run 3 errands and 3 different people are surprised by "how nice you look", you should wash your hair and put on makeup more often).  Then I picked up a friend and we went to the big city (aka - town with more stores than walmart and dollar tree) to buy stuff for our kids' joint birthday party this weekend.  Destruct-o-girl was obviously with us because it was the nanny's day off (and the maid's and the butler's and the cook's), and even thought the first few stores went fine, Sam's was a bad, bad, bad, oh so bad experience.  

    It all started....... a few weeks ago when Aaron took the kids in Walmart and let Destruct-o-girl ride in the back of the buggy, and now she thinks that is the only place she can ride.  The problem is that she cannot quite remember to sit down and I forsee her flipping out, falling on her head, cracking her skull, and having permanent brain damage if this behavior continues.  So, because the buggies at Sam's are wide and shallow, and because I love her, and because I am the boss and she has to mind me - I tried to make my daughter sit in the baby seat all buckled in and polite.  Fail.  Epic, fantastic, cataclismic fail.  Lets just say that there was screaming and wailing and gnashing of teeth and potato chip throwing, and climbing, and more screaming, and hair pulling, and drooling, and panic, and strangers staring and passing judgements, and trips to the bathroom, and balloons, and hiding behind displays so others couldn't see the discipline, and coke icees, and even more screaming the.entire.time we were in the store.  After a good 30 minutes and comments from more than 10 strangers, it was all I could take and I found myself crying in the frozen foods section.

    Did you hear what I said?  I literally cried in the frozen foods section of Sam's Club.

    I cried because my daughter's determination to stand up almost beat my determination to make her sit her tiny hiney down and mind, and it was embarrassing, and awful, and loud, and horrible.  Plus I'm pretty sure someone took my picture on their camera phone and called social services.  I don't blame them.  And I cried because I have some migrane issues and was already feeling not so great, and that whole episode put me into full blown migrane pain, spots, and nausea.  Does it sound like I am whining here?  Because I totally, totally am.  But luckily I have wonderful friends who got me good medicine fast, picked up my kids, and rescheduled my boys' haircuts so I could nap and feel better.  I just love their faces off.  And finally, I cried because what kind of mother can't make their about-to-be two-year-old just shut up for pete's sake?!  This kind apparently.

    After some meds and some dry heaving in the parking lot of my pharmacy (too much?  sorry.  I told you my day stanked it up) and some sleep I felt a lot better and carried on with my day like a semi normal person (as normal as I can be anyway).  But the middle of my day was rough.  The kind of day that makes you rethink what your doing with your life and where it all went wrong.  However, there is always the chance that tomorrow will be better.  Maybe I won't have to leave my house at all, or get dressed, or take my daughter out in public.  Maybe migrane medicine increases metabolism.  Maybe I will come into a windfall of large sums of money.  Maybe I will put away the laundry on the end of my bed.  There's always hope I guess.

    So to all of you that just read this post and wonder what it has to do with anything - I guess the answer is - welp - nothing.  Just be glad you weren't in Sam's today with a demon posessed toddler and a headache.  The end.

Love you like drinking a giant coke icee and buying in bulk in peace,

P.S. - thanks a ton for all the recipes!  I appreciate them and are writing them down in my "good ideas for a crowd" files!  Y'all are great to me!

P.P.S - I just accidentally found an email accout that I didn't really realized I had (don't ask me how - just believe me when I say it happened), so if you have ever sent me a message in the history of this blog and I haven't responded - then I am so so sorry.  I am a technological dufus.  That is my only excuse.  I still love you though.  Keep reading and commenting and I will respond as soon as I become smart enough to figure the whole thing out.